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Letting Go of Your Kids

October 2, 2009 | No Comments | Family & Parenting, Featured

Letting Go of Your Kids | By Cheryl Bryan

This parenting thing is not easy. Just when you think you may be getting it right and they’re on their way to becoming civilized adults, able to carry on an intelligent conversation, help around the house without supervision, and verbally acknowledge your worth in their lives — they leave!

No longer are you the most important person in their lives. They have needed you for so long, and you have needed them to need you. How do you overcome this Syndrome they call The Empty Nest? The following is certainly not an inclusive list, but maybe it’ll give you a new perspective.

1. Realize that it started at birth. From the beginning, you nourished and protected them, urged them to talk, walk, make friends and study. You watched them try and fail so they would learn strength, taught them the difference between need and want and the rewards of hard work. You were preparing them to leave you, and you have succeeded.

2. Don’t take it personally. Did you leave your parents’ home because you didn’t love them? Did making an independent decision mean you didn’t value their opinion? Think about your own journey to financial and emotional independence. If your parents were your foundation but not your crutch, you’re probably grateful for their wisdom and the trust they placed in you.

3. Examine your motives. Have you been living vicariously through your children? Give an honest answer to the question, “Why am I feeling sad when my children are okay? What is it I really want?” When you can answer honestly, you’re ready to declare your own independence.

4. Keep in touch. Even when they seem to shove you away, they need you. It can be scary out there. As they make independent decisions, they need to know you love them unconditionally and are available to them as they make difficult adjustments. But know the difference between helping and hovering.

5. Enjoy your freedom! Remember what you promised yourself “when the kids are grown”? It’s time! Pursue your artistic interests, learn something new, or write a book. Volunteer at the school, hospital, or senior center, where your focused energy can make a difference. Appreciate the quiet, the privacy, and the freedom to come and go without having to consider your children’s schedules.

6. Support them when they fail. This is when you’ll be tempted to respond with “Come home, baby, and we’ll take care of you,” or “I knew this would not be a good move for you.” Help them know that though it’s difficult now, this will pass. Try to listen without judgment or correction. They need you to listen, not solve the problem.

7. Know they still need you. Your role has changed through the years, from First Responder to Last Resort. But no one will ever take your place; no one else heard their first cry or watched their first steps. No one knows them like you do.

8. Benefit from their independent experiences. Isn’t it nice to discuss topics unrelated to your relationship as parent and child, topics that relate more to shared interests? And more than that, your grown children bring to the discussion myriads of experiences different from yours, enabling you to explore the world through their eyes.

9. Realize you’re not on your own. If you’re the mother, realize that though he may not admit it, your husband may also be feeling the loss. Give him the attention he lost when you began having kids. Turn your attention to your girl friends, and experience your own social life, uninterrupted by other people’s appointments or cries for help.

10. Rejoice in a job well done. Even if professional success causes them to move further away, know you have done what a parent is supposed to do. You birthed them, babied them, nurtured them, loved them, and brought them to a point of independence. You wouldn’t want any less for them than to be happy, independent productive adults.

In spite of the mistakes she might have made, Cheryl Bryan’s children are independent and well-adjusted adults. Three of the four live a thousand miles away; the other one lives 13,000 miles away with her (at present) only grandchild.

Cheryl was educated in business and music, but over the years, both as an employed and a freelance administrative assistant, has developed a reputation as a capable proofreader, copy editor and business writer. For three years she wrote weekly inspirational newspaper columns, and she recently launched a blog, http://www.aginginwonder.com, to encourage fellow baby-boomers as they reach the last trimester of their lives. She believes that aging well means you never cease to learn, to explore, or to be amazed at the wonder of it all.
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Outdoor Summer Activities For Kids

September 4, 2009 | No Comments | Family & Parenting, Featured

Discovering Cheap Outdoor Summer Activities For Kids | By Michelle Patelle

Having fun with your kids this summer should not be a hassle or expensive. You have many options in your own backyard or nearby parks or recreational areas. Make a summer of fun your kids will remember forever.

When the summer heat is getting to you, consider water fun on your own property. Set up a cheap kiddie pool, a slip and slide, or a sheet of plastic, or even a regular sprinkler and let the kids run through it. Invite their friends over to play and provide an easy-to-eat treat like popsicles. Decorate your driveway or sidewalk with wet footprints or handprints. Play with squirt guns or spray bottles. Have a water balloon fight. Blow bubbles. Make mud pies. Play in the rain. Wash the car and spray the kids with the hose. Let them get you wet, too.

In the cool of morning, evening or on moderate weather days, have a day to enjoy nature. You could call it a nature hike. Visit a walking path at a local park or find a new trail to hike. A nature hike can be just a walk or it can be more than that. Think of off-roading a little bit. What kinds of rocks, leaves, plants and flowers can the kids find? Have them use a bag to store their favorites. When you get back home, go online and research the names of the plants you collected. Here are some more ideas for fun with nature: take pictures of nature with a camera. Take the kids to a scenic area with a set of watercolors and ask them to paint what they see. If you live close to the ocean or lake, pack a lunch, sunscreen, drinking water and some beach toys and go there. Spend the day digging in the sand, building sandcastles and searching for seashells. There are all kinds of ways of interacting with nature, like planting a vegetable or flower garden together. Visit a pick-your-own fruits farm. Instead of just having a picnic lunch at the brightest time of day, try having a sunset picnic at a park or beach. On the other hand, get up early, pack breakfast, and have a sunrise breakfast. Walk barefoot in the grass and pick the wildflowers, if it is allowed. Do some cooking outside on a grill or a campfire, or just toast marshmallows. Pitch a tent, perhaps even in your own backyard, and sleep outside. The moon, stars and planets are nature, too.

When thinking of summer activities for the kids there are always all kinds of games and sports. You do not have to join a team or class because they can get expensive, but if you have the resources and interest in pursuing that path, ask the kids if they would like to learn a new sport or activity. The summer is a great time to try something new without the commitment that often comes with starting it during the school year. Go for a bicycle ride around the neighborhood. Teach the kids some jump rope rhymes from your own childhood. There is hopscotch, too. Plan a scavenger hunt or a treasure hunt. For a scavenger hunt, all you need to do is create a list of twenty or so items that are frequently found outdoors in your area.

Pass out the list to each of the kids. The first person or team to find everything, or the most items, and wins a small prize. For a treasure hunt leave clues around the house or yard, with each clue leading to the next clue, until they reach the treasure, maybe a snack or small prize. There are many more ideas for outdoor sports and games, like playing kickball with the neighborhood kids. Fly kites. Compete in a three-legged or other race. Create an obstacle course. Play freeze tag. Build paper airplanes and have a flying contest.

With some help from your kids, you may come up with many more ideas. Water, nature, and sports and games are great sources of cheap and healthy entertainment. The summer time is a great time to be outdoors, but please remember the sunscreen, hats and monitoring the amounts of sun exposure. Older kids with later bedtimes may even be able to enjoy many of these activities after the sun goes down.

Michelle Patelle, writer, mother and homemaker, invites you to visit cartooncoloringpages.org, and onlinecoloringpages.org. Coloring pages are great for when the kids are ready to play school with each other in the summertime.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michelle_Patelle
http://EzineArticles.com/?Discovering-Cheap-Outdoor-Summer-Activities-For-Kids&id=2430894

Top Ten Reasons Arts and Crafts Helps Boost a Child’s Self Esteem

July 29, 2009 | No Comments | Arts & Crafts, Featured

Top Ten Reasons Arts and Crafts Helps Boost a Child’s Self Esteem | By Elena Neitlich

A child’s self esteem is built throughout the course of childhood. Although ultimately the child develops her own perceptions of self and builds her own self esteem, reinforcement from the outside world is crucial in fortifying the child’s self assessment. Appropriate responses to the child support the child’s opinion of herself, “I think that I did a nice job completing this arts and crafts project.” “Yes, you did a terrific job completing your arts and crafts project. I can tell by the quality of the finished piece that you really put your all into it!”

Praise just for the sake of praise isn’t effective in building a child’s self esteem. Kids are very insightful, especially teens, and even the most enthusiastic praise will ring hollow if it is not attached to something meaningful. “Wow, you are amazing!” “Why, what did I do?”

Creative activities such as arts and crafts provide an outstanding opportunity for adults to help bolster a child’s self esteem. As the child works the observant adult has almost unlimited opportunities to point out what the child is doing well.

Top ten reasons arts and crafts helps boost a child’s self esteem.

1. Arts and crafts invites the child to experiment with supplies, techniques, and directions that are often foreign and intimidating. Tackling and becoming adept at creative new tasks brings satisfaction and gratification to children of all ages.

2. Arts and crafts encourages children to push themselves to plan and finish an entire project. Children feel a great sense of accomplishment when they are responsible for completing an entire task from A to Z.

3. Arts and crafts classes produce a fertile environment for meeting and interacting with new people. It can be difficult for some children to venture beyond their comfort zones and intermingle with children they don’t know. It is very flattering and a boost to self esteem for children to hit it off and work with new friends.

4. Arts and crafts classes force children to take risk and put themselves and their work “out there”. It is a gamble to create something and show people because there is the possibility of receiving criticism. Children, especially teens are averse to this type of hazard. A supportive arts and crafts trainer creates an environment where children feel comfortable exposing their work. Children who learn how to tackle risk are better suited and more comfortable tackling appropriate risk as adults.

5. Arts and crafts teach open mindedness. Creative questions do not have finite answers like math or physics problems. When doing arts and crafts children learn how to explore the many different possible solutions to the problems that they face. Being imaginative and open minded allows for them to invent solutions that are exciting and inspired. Children gain the confidence to tackle many problems in creative and ingenious ways.

6. Arts and crafts aid in dispelling a child’s “limiting beliefs”. It is very common for children to create ideas about their own abilities that restrict their activities. Thoughts like, “I am not smart enough to do this,” are destructive and chip away at their self esteem. Craft projects teach children how to change damaging preconceived notions. Children learn how much they truly are capable of and build on each experience gaining confidence with each project.

7. Arts and crafts projects illustrate to children that they can achieve success. It is good for children to discover that they can be victorious. Success feels great and inspires children to reach for more and attempt harder and harder tasks.

8. Arts and crafts allows an opportunity for children to let loose and have fun. In a relaxed and non-competitive atmosphere children can explore their carefree and imaginative side. Seeing that they are multidimensional beings contributes to their overall sense of well being and a healthy sense of self.

9. Arts and crafts classes permit children to see themselves in a fresh, new light. It is important that kids have the opportunity to survey many different pursuits. Allowing kids to choose the activities that excite and delight them gives them the confidence to later pursue their own interests and eventually choose meaningful careers and pastimes.

10. Arts and crafts promote a passion for learning! Kids who have expanded their confidence through creativity and developing a healthy self esteem are curious about learning new things. The self assurance that they build doing arts and crafts overflows into all of their endeavors making for a rich and highly satisfying childhood.

Elena Neitlich is owner of Arts and Crafts Moms at http://www.artsandcraftsmoms.com If you want to follow your passion for creativity, start your own business, and have a lasting impact on kids and teens, become a certified Arts and Crafts Trainer Take the steps to make a difference in the lives of kids and in your own life.
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Addicted to Video Games

July 10, 2009 | No Comments | Family & Parenting, Featured

Parenting Advice – Help! My Child is Addicted to Video Games | By Dr. Noel Swanson

Video gaming is an industry that is close to 35 years old and continuing to grow each and every year. The growth in purchases is being matched by the improvements in technology. What was state of the art just 2 years ago is being trashed by gamers for the newest and greatest gaming systems.

Video games are also becoming more realistic and exciting which makes them popular with children and youth. Surveys have determined that approximately 79% of American children now play computer or video games on a regular basis. And most of the games on the market today are aimed at the population of children between 7 and 17.

In another study from the Netherlands based firm Junior Senior Research, video games are a part of the daily activity of nearly 61% of a population of boy and girls up to age 15. Interestingly though, in this study of nearly 4,000 children 65% preferred playing games on the computer and not a game console.

The growth of the gaming industry has not been without controversy. Although more research information appears to be available for television than gaming the initial results seem to bare out the theory that children who are involved in aggressive or hostile video games are more likely to become involved in physical aggression in real life.

Video games have a rating system that helps parents to understand the level of violence and sexual content in the game before it’s purchased. Most video games do have positive aspects to playing them. Children learn problem solving skills, improved concentration with distractions and the ability to strategize.

However, those games which belong to the subset that feature violence, gore and antisocial behaviors have raised concern with parents, educators, advocates and medical professionals. The result of this has been rounds of congressional hearings, policy debates and continued research into the outcomes for children and young adults.

In the past organizations such as the American Psychological Association, the American Medical Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics have all conducted research which shows scientific evidence that children who watch violent television are more likely to have aggressive behavior. Researchers theorize that those who play aggressive video games are even at higher risk because the games are interactive and not passive, each game is repetitive as children go through the same levels to reach the next achievement, and because rewards increase the ability of the person to learn and the video games give rewards to the participants.

In an analysis of 35 different studies, which looked at violence in video games and the behavior of those who played, researchers found several interesting correlations. When watching violent games the physiological response of the person was elevated. This means that the game triggered increased heart rates and blood pressure. The exposure to these violent games also increased the aggressive thoughts and emotions of the children in the short term. In a study of 8th and 9th graders students who played violent games were also more likely to see the world as a hostile place. They got into more arguments with teachers and were involved in more physical fights.

It has been suggested that video games aren’t the culprit in these situations. Instead children who are naturally more aggressive are drawn to video games and television shows that are more violent. While this factor may have some truth it isn’t the whole truth. In another study the researchers measured hostility traits, controlled for sex and hostility levels and the amount of video game playing and still found that students who played violent games were still more likely to be involved in aggressive behavior, no matter what their previous hostility trait level had been.

The last correlation found was that those children who were exposed on a consistent basis to violent video games had a decreased ability to have compassion for others as measured by their willingness to positively help others in need.

In the aftermath of Columbine High School shootings, then President Bill Clinton, asked the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) to investigate the validity of accusations that manufacturers of video games that were rated “M” for violence were deliberately marketing to younger children. The report, which was released in 2000, found that 70% of the games at the time that were rated “M” were deliberately marketed to children under the age of 17. This confirmed that although the games warranted parental caution they were being marketed in an irresponsible manner.

But the vast majority of video games available today aren’t violent. Instead they are legitimately aimed at the youth and may even have some educational value in playing them. There are games that teach problem solving skills, eye hand coordination, strategy development and planning.

Parents of school age and teen age children are often faced with two dilemmas. The first relates to the violence of the games that are marketed to our children. The second relates to the amount of time that children sit in front of televisions and video games wiling away their time watching other people live theirs.

The vast majority of the research done on video games has been on the effects of watching and interacting with violent games but there has also been research done on children who watch television consistently and the results may be extrapolated to those who also sit for hours in front of a hand-held screen of flashing images. Researchers from the University of California link watching television from 2 to 4 hours per day to increased risks of high blood pressure and obesity.

The results of this study should be self-evident. We are designed to be active and release energy. Sitting in front of a computer, hand-held gaming system or television only leads to decrease metabolism, poor food choices and weight gain. All of these things lead to poor overall health.

The question about whether or not children should play video games is a question that must be answered on an individual basis by the people who know them best, their parents. Some children exhibit characteristics of an addictive personality early and will find it difficult to get away from the games while others may only play while they’re on car trips or it’s raining outside. Parents should be intentional when they make their decision about getting computer games or a gaming system. Be prepared to make rules before the games are purchased and stick to those rules.

If you found this article helpful, Dr Noel Swanson’s specialized website on child behavior offers a free downloadable CD loaded with parenting techniques. To find out more and request the free downloadable CD just click here for some great expert parenting advice.
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Posts Tagged ‘ children ’

Letting Go of Your Kids

Outdoor Summer Activities For Kids

Top Ten Reasons Arts and Crafts Helps Boost a Child’s Self Esteem

Addicted to Video Games

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